Misc. Thoughts as time winds down to the big event...

I am searching for my strength as I head into this next week. It's hard to come by because I am exhausted. I think I am just worrying myself into a tired, wound up mess. I'm ready for some relaxation. When I get home on Wednesday, I think I'm going to soak in the tub for an hour at the very least (or until the water gets cold!) with some wine and a good book and celebrate my independence. It does make me sad to a degree. My children--God bless my children. They have been so resilient in this whole big messy thing. They are happy and playful and innocent. I envy that carefree spirit that they have about it all, though at the same time I am thankful that it hasn't affected them more seriously. But the official end of that part of my life, means a goodbye for them as well. They haven't seen him in a year, he doesn't call, doesn't pay his child support. But he's still the daddy. Once this is all said and done, it will be as if he was never there at all. Hayley wouldn't know him if she saw him. Thankfully what she does know is a wonderful man, who treats her like his own. She's such a sweet baby. Such a good girl. They both are. Great kids...I have great kids and I've done a bulk of the child rearing on my own, so I suppose I should be very proud. And I am, but I hate for them to miss anything.
But , I am rambling. More of the neurotic things that have been going through my mind as this all winds down to a close. I am so blessed...so very blessed to have escaped that abusive marriage, to have saved myself and my children from that negative environment. And to have found love in the darkest of days. Will has been my light at the end of the tunnel. He has been my rock, my strength, my support. Everything happens for a reason. If nothing else, I have learned that from this whole experience. Life always has a way of bringing you right where you belong. And in my case, it has been right back to this man that I loved as a teenager...this man who broke my young heart back then, but has rescued me and repaired a lifetime worth of damage. He is amazing. I am so lucky...
I am being rather depressing tonight. I apologize! So many things that I'm thinking right now. A constant flow of thoughts. SO thanks for putting up with my blip of insanity and anxiety tonight! Happy weekend to all! Next time you hear from me, I'll be a FREE & HAPPY woman! :-) YAY!!!